LABYRINTH (1986)
WRITTEN BY DENNIS LEE & JIM HENSON
SCREENPLAY BY TERRY JONES
DIRECTED BY JIM HENSON
MUSIC & LYRICS BY DAVID BOWIE
ORIGINAL MUSIC BY TREVOR JONES
SCENE 1:
OPENING CREDITS - MUSIC:
/ IT'S ONLY FOREVER /
/ NOT LONG AT ALL /
/ LOST AND LONELY /
/ NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU /
/ FOR WALKING AWAY /
/ BUT TOO MUCH REJECTION, UH-HUH /
/ NO LOVE INJECTION, NO /
/ LIFE CAN BE EASY /
/ IT'S NOT ALWAYS SWELL /
/ DON'T TELL ME TRUTH HURTS, LITTLE GIRL /
/ 'CAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ BUT DOWN IN THE UNDERGROUND /
/ YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE TRUE /
/ DOWN IN THE UNDERGROUND /
/ A LAND SERENE /
/ A CRYSTAL MOON /
/ AH-HAH /
/ IT'S ONLY FOREVER /
/ IT'S NOT LONG AT ALL /
/ LOST AND LONELY /
/ THAT'S UNDERGROUND /
/ UNDERGROUND //
SARAH: GIVE ME THE CHILD. THROUGH DANGERS UNTOLD AND HARDSHIPS UNNUMBERED, I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY, TO TAKE BACK THE CHILD THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN, FOR MY WILL IS AS STRONG AS YOURS, AND MY KINGDOM IS AS GREAT.
[THUNDER]
SARAH: FOR MY WILL IS AS STRONG AS YOURS. MY KINGDOM IS GREAT. DAMN. OH, I CAN NEVER REMEMBER THAT LINE... "YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME."
[THUNDER]
[DOG BARKS]
SARAH: OH, MERLIN.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
SARAH: OH, NO, MERLIN! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S SEVEN O’CLOCK! COME ON! COME ON!
MUSIC:
/ NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU /
/ FOR WALKING AWAY /
/ BUT TOO MUCH REJECTION, UH-HUH /
/ NO LOVE INJECTION, NO, NO /
/ LIFE CAN BE EASY /
/ IT'S NOT ALWAYS SWELL /
/ DON'T TELL ME TRUTH HURTS, LITTLE GIRL /
/ 'CAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ HURTS LIKE HELL... //
SCENE 2:
SARAH: OH, IT'S NOT FAIR!
MOTHER: OH, REALLY!
SARAH: I’M SORRY...
MOTHER: WELL, DON'T STAND THERE IN THE RAIN! C’MON!
SARAH: ALL RIGHT. COME ON, MERLIN. C’MON.
MOTHER: NOT THE DOG!
SARAH: BUT IT'S POURING!
MOTHER: GO ON. INTO THE GARAGE.
SARAH: OH! GO ON, MERLIN. GO INTO THE GARAGE. GO! URGH.
MOTHER: SARAH, YOU'RE AN HOUR LATE.
SARAH: I SAID I'M SORRY!
MOTHER: PLEASE, LET ME FINISH. YOUR FATHER AND I GO OUT VERY RARELY.
SARAH: YOU GO OUT EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!
MOTHER: AND I ASK YOU TO BABY-SIT ONLY IF IT WON'T INTERFERE WITH YOUR PLANS.
SARAH: WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MY PLANS ARE, YOU DON’T EVEN ASK ME ANYMORE!
MOTHER: WELL, I ASSUME YOU'D TELL ME IF YOU HAD A DATE. I’D LIKE IT IF YOU HAD A DATE! YOU SHOULD HAVE DATES AT YOUR AGE!
FATHER: SARAH, YOU’RE HOME! WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU!
SARAH: I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT, CAN I?
MOTHER: SHE TREATS ME LIKE A WICKED STEPMOTHER IN A FAIRY STORY NO MATTER WHAT I SAY.
FATHER: I'LL TALK TO HER.
[BABY CRIES]
SCENE 3:
[MUSIC BOX PLAYING]
SARAH: THROUGH DANGERS UNTOLD... AND HARDSHIPS UNNUMBERED... I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY... TO TAKE BACK THE CHILD THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
FATHER: SARAH? COULD I TALK TO YOU?
SARAH: THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT! YOU BETTER HURRY, YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE!
FATHER: LISTEN, WE'VE FED TOBY AND PUT HIM TO BED. WE DO HAVE TO LEAVE NOW, BUT WE'LL BE BACK AROUND MIDNIGHT.
SARAH: YOU REALLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME, DIDN'T YOU? PRACTICALLY BROKE DOWN THE DOOR!... LANCELOT! SOMEONE HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM AGAIN! I HATE THAT. I HATE IT!
[BABY CRIES]
SARAH: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
SARAH: SOMEONE SAVE ME. SOMEONE TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS AWFUL PLACE!
[THUNDER]
TOBY: WAA!
SARAH: WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT A STORY? HUH? OK. ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL WHOSE STEPMOTHER ALWAYS MADE HER STAY HOME WITH THE BABY. AND THE BABY WAS A SPOILED CHILD, AND HE WANTED EVERYTHING FOR HIMSELF, AND THE GIRL WAS PRACTICALLY A SLAVE. BUT WHAT NO ONE KNEW WAS THAT THE KING OF THE GOBLINS HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL AND HE HAD GIVEN HER CERTAIN POWERS. SO ONE NIGHT, WHEN THE BABY HAD BEEN PARTICULARLY CRUEL TO HER, SHE CALLED ON THE GOBLINS FOR HELP.
[SNORING]
GOBLIN: LISTEN!
SARAH: "SAY YOUR RIGHT WORDS," THE GOBLINS SAID, "AND WE'LL TAKE THE BABY TO THE GOBLIN CITY, AND YOU WILL BE FREE."
GOBLINS: AH!
SARAH: BUT THE GIRL KNEW THAT THE KING OF THE GOBLINS WOULD KEEP THE BABY IN HIS CASTLE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER, AND TURN IT INTO A GOBLIN. AND SO THE GIRL SUFFERED IN SILENCE UNTIL ONE NIGHT WHEN SHE WAS TIRED FROM A DAY OF HOUSEWORK AND SHE WAS HURT BY THE HARSH WORDS OF HER STEPMOTHER AND SHE COULD NO LONGER STAND IT.
TOBY: WAAH! AAH!
SARAH: OH, ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! KNOCK IT OFF. COME ON. STOP IT! STOP IT! I'LL SAY THE WORDS. NO, I MUSTN'T. I MUSTN'T SAY...
GOBLINS: UH!
SARAH: I WISH... I WISH...
GOBLIN: LISTEN! SHE'S GOING TO SAY IT!
GOBLIN: SAY WHAT?
GOBLIN: SHUT UP!
GOBLIN: YOU SHUT UP!
GOBLIN: LISTEN! SHE'S GOING TO SAY THE WORDS.
SARAH: I CAN BEAR IT NO LONGER! GOBLIN KING! GOBLIN KING!
SARAH: WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TAKE THIS CHILD OF MINE FAR AWAY FROM ME!
GOBLIN: THAT'S NOT IT! WHERE'D SHE LEARN THAT RUBBISH? IT DOESN'T EVEN START WITH "I WISH"!
SARAH: OH, TOBY, STOP IT! OH, I WISH I DID KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE THE GOBLINS TAKE YOU AWAY.
GOBLIN: "I WISH THE GOBLINS WOULD COME TAKE YOU AWAY RIGHT NOW!" THAT’S NOT HARD, IS IT?
SARAH: I WISH... I WISH...
GOBLIN: DID SHE SAY IT?
GOBLINS: SHUT UP!
TOBY: WAAH! AAHH!
SARAH: I WISH THE GOBLINS WOULD COME TAKE YOU AWAY... RIGHT NOW.
[CRYING STOPS]
SARAH: ...TOBY? TOBY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? WHY AREN'T YOU CRYING?
GOBLIN: HEE HEE HA!
SARAH: UH!
GOBLIN: HO HEE HA!
SARAH: UH! UH!
GOBLIN: HA HA HA!
GOBLIN: HEE HEE HEE!
GOBLIN: HEE HA!
GOBLIN: HEE HEE HEE!
GOBLIN: HEE HEE HEE!
SCENE 4:
SARAH: UH! UH! UH!... YOU'RE HIM, AREN'T YOU? YOU'RE THE GOBLIN KING. I WANT MY BROTHER BACK, IF IT'S ALL THE SAME.
JARETH: WHAT'S SAID IS SAID.
SARAH: BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT!
JARETH: OH, YOU DIDN'T?
SARAH: PLEASE, WHERE IS HE?
JARETH: YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHERE HE IS.
SARAH: PLEASE BRING HIM BACK. PLEASE!
JARETH: SARAH. GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM. PLAY WITH YOUR TOYS AND YOUR COSTUMES. FORGET ABOUT THE BABY.
SARAH: I CAN'T.
JARETH: I'VE BROUGHT YOU A GIFT.
SARAH: WHAT IS IT?
JARETH: IT'S A CRYSTAL. NOTHING MORE. BUT IF YOU TURN IT THIS WAY AND LOOK INTO IT, IT WILL SHOW YOU YOUR DREAMS. BUT THIS ISN'T A GIFT FOR AN ORDINARY GIRL WHO TAKES CARE OF A SCREAMING BABY. DO YOU WANT IT? THEN FORGET THE BABY.
SARAH: I CAN'T. IT ISN’T THAT I DON’T APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO FOR ME, BUT I WANT MY BROTHER BACK. HE MUST BE SO SCARED.
JARETH: SARAH... DON'T DEFY ME.
SARAH: ARH! ARH!
GOBLIN: ARRGH! HEE HEE!
GOBLINS: HA HA! HA HA!
JARETH: YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR ME.
SARAH: BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY BROTHER BACK.
JARETH: HE'S THERE IN MY CASTLE. DO YOU STILL WANT TO LOOK FOR HIM?
SARAH: IS THAT THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY?
JARETH: TURN BACK, SARAH! TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
SARAH: I CAN'T. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN'T?
JARETH: WHAT A PITY.
SARAH: IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT FAR.
JARETH: IT'S FURTHER THAN YOU THINK. TIME IS SHORT. YOU HAVE 13 HOURS IN WHICH TO SOLVE THE LABYRINTH BEFORE YOUR BABY BROTHER BECOMES ONE OF US FOREVER... SUCH A PITY.
SCENE 5:
SARAH: THE LABYRINTH. IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT HARD. WELL... COME ON, FEET.
[TRICKLING SOUND]
HOGGLE: DA DEE DEE.
SARAH: EXCUSE ME?
HOGGLE: OH, EXCUSE ME! OH, IT'S YOU.
SARAH: I NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS LABYRINTH. CAN YOU HELP ME?
HOGGLE: HMM!
SARAH: OH, HOW SWEET!
HOGGLE: 57!
SARAH: HOW COULD YOU?
HOGGLE: UGH!
SARAH: POOR THING. YOU MONSTER!... OW! IT BIT ME!
HOGGLE: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FAIRIES TO DO?
SARAH: I THOUGHT THEY DID NICE THINGS, LIKE GRANTING WISHES!
HOGGLE: SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW, DON'T IT? 58!
SARAH: YOU'RE HORRIBLE!
HOGGLE: NO, I AIN'T. I'M HOGGLE.
HOGGLE: WHO ARE YOU?
SARAH: SARAH.
HOGGLE: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 59!
SARAH: DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR TO THE LABYRINTH IS?
HOGGLE: MAYBE.
SARAH: WELL, WHERE IS IT?
HOGGLE: OH, YOU LITTLE... 60! OOH! AH!
SARAH: I SAID WHERE IS IT?
HOGGLE: WHERE IS WHAT?
SARAH: THE DOOR!
HOGGLE: WHAT DOOR?
SARAH: IT'S HOPELESS ASKING YOU ANYTHING!
HOGGLE: NOT IF YOU ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
SARAH: HOW DO I GET INTO THE LABYRINTH?
HOGGLE: AH! NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT. YOU GETS IN THERE... YOU UH, REALLY GOING IN THERE, ARE YOU?
SARAH: YES. I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO.
HOGGLE: COZY, ISN'T IT? HO HA HA! HA HA HA HA! NOW, WOULD YOU GO LEFT OR RIGHT?
SARAH: THEY BOTH LOOK THE SAME.
HOGGLE: WELL! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET VERY FAR.
SARAH: WHICH WAY WOULD YOU GO?
HOGGLE: ME? I WOULDN'T GO EITHER WAY.
SARAH: IF THAT'S ALL THE HELP YOU’RE GONNA BE, YOU CAN JUST LEAVE.
HOGGLE: YOU KNOW YOUR PROBLEM? YOU TAKE TOO MANY THINGS FOR GRANTED. TAKE THIS LABYRINTH. EVEN IF YOU GET TO THE CENTRE, YOU'LL NEVER GET OUT AGAIN.
SARAH: THAT'S YOUR OPINION.
HOGGLE: WELL, IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS!
SARAH: THANKS FOR NOTHING, HOGWART.
HOGGLE: OH! IT'S HOGGLE! AND DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!... YEAH!
[SLAM]
SCENE 6:
LICHEN: OH! OH! WHO'S SHE?
SARAH: WHAT DO THEY MEAN, "LABYRINTH"? THERE AREN'T ANY TURNS OR CORNERS OR ANYTHING! THIS JUST GOES ON AND ON! MAYBE IT DOESN'T. MAYBE I'M JUST TAKING IT FOR GRANTED THAT IT DOES... OH! AH! AAH! UH! OH...
WORM: 'ALLO.
SARAH: DID YOU SAY HELLO?
WORM: NO, I SAID 'ALLO, BUT THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.
SARAH: YOU'RE A WORM, AREN'T YOU?
WORM: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!
SARAH: YOU DON’T BY ANY CHANCE KNOW THE WAY THROUGH THIS LABYRINTH, DO YOU?
WORM: NO. I'M JUST A WORM.
SARAH: OH.
WORM: COME INSIDE AND MEET THE MISSUS.
SARAH: NO, THANK YOU, BUT I HAVE TO SOLVE THIS LABYRINTH. THERE AREN'T ANY TURNS OR OPENINGS OR ANYTHING! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON!
WORM: WELL, YOU AIN’T LOOKING RIGHT! IT'S FULL OF OPENINGS! IT’S JUST YOU AIN'T SEEIN' ‘EM.
SARAH: WELL, WHERE ARE THEY?
WORM: THERE'S ONE JUST ACROSS THERE! IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YA.
SARAH: NO, THERE ISN'T.
WORM: COME INSIDE AND HAVE A NICE CUP OF TEA.
SARAH: BUT THERE ISN'T AN OPENING.
WORM: OF COURSE THERE IS. YOU TRY WALKIN' THROUGH IT. YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN.
SARAH: WHAT?
WORM: GO ON. GO ON, THEN.
SARAH: THAT'S JUST WALL. THERE'S NO WAY THROUGH.
WORM: THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM, SO YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED.
SARAH: HEY! AH!
WORM: HEY! HANG ON!
SARAH: THANK YOU! THAT WAS INCREDIBLY HELPFUL.
WORM: BUT DON'T GO THAT WAY!
SARAH: WHAT WAS THAT?
WORM: I SAID, DON'T GO THAT WAY! NEVER GO THAT WAY.
SARAH: OH. THANKS.
WORM: OH... IF SHE HAD KEPT ON GOING DOWN THAT WAY, SHE'D HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO THAT CASTLE.
SCENE 7:
[BABY CRYING]
SARAH: TOBY!... I'M COMING, TOBY.
[BABY CRYING]
TOBY: WAAA!
GOBLIN: GET OFF ME!
GOBLIN: GET OUT OF THE WAY!
GOBLIN: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GOBLIN: WALK, WALK, WALK!
GOBLIN: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
[BLOWS]
GOBLINS: HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
JARETH: / YOU REMIND ME OF THE BABE /
GOBLIN: / WHAT BABE? /
JARETH: / THE BABE WITH THE POWER /
GOBLIN: / WHAT POWER? /
JARETH: / THE POWER OF VOODOO /
GOBLIN: / WHO DO? /
JARETH: / YOU DO /
GOBLIN: / DO WHAT? /
JARETH: / REMIND ME OF THE BABE. /
GOBLINS: HA HA HA!
JARETH: QUIET! A GOBLIN BABE!
JARETH: HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! WELL?
GOBLINS: HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!
JARETH: / I SAW MY BABY /
/ CRYING HARD AS BABE COULD CRY /
/ WHAT COULD I DO? /
/ MY BABY'S LOVE HAD GONE /
/ AND LEFT MY BABY BLUE /
/ NOBODY KNEW /
JARETH &
GOBLINS: / WHAT KIND OF MAGIC SPELL TO USE /
GOBLIN: / SLIME AND SNAILS /
GOBLIN: / OR PUPPY DOG'S TAILS /
GOBLIN: / THUNDER OR LIGHTNING /
JARETH: / THEN BABY SAID /
TOBY: GA GA.
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / PUT THAT BABY SPELL ON ME /
GOBLIN: EEEYOO!
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / PUT THAT MAGIC JUMP ON ME / SLAP THAT BABY / / MAKE HIM FREE! /
GOBLIN: HEY, HEY! WHAT GOES ON?! PASTA VAZOO? IS A-WRITING ON THE FRAGGING WALK-WALK! YOUR MOTHER IS A FRAGGIN' AARDVARK!
JARETH: IN 9 HOURS AND 23 MINUTES, YOU'LL BE MINE!
GOBLINS: HA HA HA!
JARETH: / I SAW MY BABY /
/ TRYING HARD AS BABE COULD TRY /
/ WHAT COULD I DO? /
/ MY BABY'S FUN HAD GONE /
/ AND LEFT MY BABY BLUE /
/ NOBODY KNEW /
JARETH
& GOBLINS: / WHAT KIND OF MAGIC SPELL TO USE /
GOBLIN: / SLIME AND SNAILS /
GOBLIN: / PUPPY DOG'S TAILS /
GOBLIN: / THUNDER OR LIGHTNING /
JARETH: / THEN BABY SAID /
TOBY: YEEAH.
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / PUT THAT BABY SPELL ON ME /
GOBLIN: HEEEHAA! BLUUUUUU!
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / PUT THAT MAGIC JUMP ON ME / SLAP THAT BABY / / MAKE HIM FREE! /
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
JARETH: / DANCE MAGIC DANCE /
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
JARETH: / JUMP MAGIC JUMP /
GOBLINS: / PUT THAT BABY SPELL ON ME //
SCENE 8:
GOBLIN: YOU GOT IT?
GOBLIN: I GOT IT.
GOBLIN: GOOD.
GOBLIN: SHH!
SARAH: OH, NO... SOMEONE HAS BEEN CHANGING MY MARKS! WHAT A HORRIBLE PLACE! IT'S NOT FAIR!
GUARD#1: THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S NOT FAIR.
GUARDS: HA HA HA HA!
GUARD#1: BUT THAT'S ONLY HALF OF IT.
SARAH: THIS WAS A DEAD END A MINUTE AGO.
GUARD#2: NO, THAT'S THE DEAD END BEHIND YOU!
GUARDS: HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
SARAH: IT KEEPS CHANGING! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
GUARD#1: WELL, THE ONLY WAY OUT OF HERE IS TO TRY ONE OF THESE DOORS.
GUARD#2: ONE OF THEM LEADS TO THE CASTLE AT THE CENTRE OF THE LABYRINTH, AND THE OTHER ONE LEADS TO--
GUARD#4: BA BA BA BUM!
GUARD#2: CERTAIN DEATH!
GUARDS: OOH!
SARAH: WELL, WHICH ONE IS WHICH?
GUARD#1: UH, WE CAN'T TELL YOU!
SARAH: WHY NOT?
GUARD#1: UH... I, UH... WE DON'T KNOW!
GUARD#2: BUT THEY DO!
SARAH: OH. THEN I'LL ASK THEM.
GUARD#3: UH... NO, YOU CAN’T ASK US. YOU CAN ONLY ASK ONE OF US.
GUARD#4: IT'S IN THE RULES. AND I SHOULD WARN YOU THAT ONE OF US ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH, AND ONE OF US ALWAYS LIES. THAT’S A RULE, TOO. HE ALWAYS LIES.
GUARD#3: I DO NOT! I TELL THE TRUTH!
GUARD#4: OH, WHAT A LIE!
GUARD#2: HA HA HA!
GUARD#3: HE'S THE LIAR!
SARAH: ALL RIGHT. ANSWER YES OR NO. WOULD HE TELL ME THAT THIS DOOR LEADS TO THE CASTLE?
GUARD#3: UH... WHAT DO YOU THINK?... REALLY?... YES?
SARAH: THEN THE OTHER DOOR LEADS TO THE CASTLE, AND THIS DOOR LEADS TO CERTAIN DEATH.
GUARD#3: OOH... HOW DO YOU KNOW? HE COULD BE TELLING THE TRUTH!
SARAH: BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE. SO IF YOU TOLD ME THAT HE SAID YES, I KNOW THE ANSWER IS NO.
GUARD#3: BUT I COULD BE TELLING THE TRUTH!
SARAH: BUT THEN HE WOULD BE LYING. SO IF YOU TOLD ME THAT HE SAID YES, I KNOW THE ANSWER WOULD STILL BE NO.
GUARD#3: WAIT A MINUTE. IS THAT RIGHT?
GUARD#4: I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT!
SARAH: NO, IT'S RIGHT. I'VE FIGURED IT OUT! I COULD NEVER DO THAT BEFORE! I THINK I'M GETTING SMARTER! IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE! ARGH!
SCENE 9:
SARAH: YUCK!
SARAH: HELP!...
SARAH: STOP IT!
SARAH: HELP!
HANDS: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HELP"? WE ARE HELPING!
HANDS: WE'RE HELPING HANDS.
SARAH: YOU'RE HURTING!
HANDS: WOULD YOU LIKE US TO LET GO?
SARAH: NO!
HANDS: WELL, THEN, COME ON. WHICH WAY?
SARAH: WHICH WAY?
HANDS: UP OR DOWN?
SARAH: OH.
HANDS: COME ON! COME ON! WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY!
HANDS: WELL, IT'S A BIG DECISION FOR HER.
HANDS: WHICH WAY DO YOU WANT TO GO, HMM?
HANDS: YES, WHICH WAY?
SARAH: WELL, SINCE I'M POINTED THAT WAY, I GUESS I'LL GO DOWN.
HANDS: SHE CHOSE DOWN.
HANDS: SHE CHOSE DOWN? EHH!
SARAH: WAS THAT WRONG?
HANDS: TOO LATE NOW. HA HA HA HA!
SARAH: AAH!
SCENE 10:
JARETH: SHE'S IN THE OUBLIETTE.
GOBLINS: HA HA! HA HA!
JARETH: SHUT UP!
JARETH: SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN AS FAR AS THE OUBLIETTE. SHE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN UP BY NOW.
GOBLIN: SHE'LL NEVER GIVE UP!
JARETH: WON’T SHE? THE DWARF’S ABOUT TO LEAD HER BACK TO THE BEGINNING. SHE'LL SOON GIVE UP WHEN SHE REALISES SHE HAS TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. HA HA HA!
JARETH: WELL, LAUGH.
GOBLINS: HA HA! HA HA! HA HA! HA HA!
JARETH: HA HA HA!
SCENE 11:
[FOOTSTEPS]
SARAH: WHO'S THERE?
HOGGLE: ME. YA HA HA HA...
SARAH: OH, IT'S YOU!
HOGGLE: OH, YES, WELL... I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS SOON AS I MET YOU, SO I'VE COME TO GIVE YOU A HAND. HEH HEH HEH. OH, YOU'RE LOOKING AROUND NOW, AREN’T YOU? I SUPPOSE YOU'VE NOTICED THERE AIN'T NO DOORS, ONLY THE HOLE. HEH HEH. THIS IS AN OUBLIETTE. THE LABYRINTH'S FULL OF THEM.
SARAH: OH REALLY? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
HOGGLE: OH, DON’T SOUND SO SMART. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AN OUBLIETTE IS!
SARAH: DO YOU?
HOGGLE: YES. IT'S A PLACE YOU PUT PEOPLE TO FORGET ABOUT ‘EM. NOW, WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS GET OUT OF HERE, AND IT SO HAPPENS THAT I KNOW A SHORT CUT OUT OF THE WHOLE LABYRINTH FROM HERE.
SARAH: NO! I'M NOT GIVING UP NOW. I'VE COME TOO FAR! NO, I'M DOING OK.
HOGGLE: OF COURSE YOU ARE. BUT IT GETS A LOT WORSE FROM HERE ON IN.
SARAH: WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT ME?
HOGGLE: UH... WHAT? WELL, I AM, THAT'S ALL. NICE YOUNG GIRL, TERRIBLE BLACK OUBLIETTE.
SARAH: YOU LIKE JEWELRY, DON'T YOU?
HOGGLE: WHY?
SARAH: IF YOU HELP ME SOLVE THE LABYRINTH, I'LL GIVE YOU THIS... YOU LIKE IT, DON'T YOU?
HOGGLE: UH...SO-SO.
SARAH: OH. OK!
HOGGLE: UH, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT. YOU GIVE ME THE BRACELET, AND I'LL SHOW YOU THE WAY OUT OF THE LABYRINTH.
SARAH: YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT ANYWAY!
HOGGLE: YES, WELL, THAT'S WHAT WOULD MAKE IT A PARTICULARLY NICE GESTURE ON YOUR PART.
SARAH: NO. I’LL TELL YOU WHAT. IF YOU WON’T TAKE ME TO THE CENTRE, TAKE ME AS FAR AS YOU CAN, AND THEN I'LL DO IT ON MY OWN.
HOGGLE: WHAT IS THAT, ANYWAY?
SARAH: PLASTIC.
HOGGLE: OOHHH. I DON'T PROMISE NOTHING, BUT UH, I'LL TAKE YOU AS FAR AS I CAN. THEN, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. RIGHT?
SARAH: RIGHT.
HOGGLE: RIGHT. OHH! PLASTIC. HERE WE GO. AH. DA DUM! OH! DAMN! BROOM CLOSET. WELL, CAN'T BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME, CAN WE? AH! THIS IS IT! COME ON, THEN!
SCENE 11:
HOGGLE: OOH. HA HA HA! AH. AH. THIS WAY.
ROCKFACE: DON'T GO ON.
ROCKFACE: GO BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
ROCKFACE: THIS IS NOT THE WAY!
ROCKFACE: TAKE HEED, AND GO NO FURTHER.
ROCKFACE: BEWARE! BEWARE!
ROCKFACE: SOON IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
HOGGLE: YEAH, DON’T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THEM. THEY'RE JUST FALSE ALARMS. YOU GET A LOT OF THEM IN THE LABYRINTH, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
ROCKFACE: OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT!
HOGGLE: OH, SHUT UP!
ROCKFACE: SORRY, JUST DOING MY JOB.
HOGGLE: WELL, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT TO US.
ROCKFACE: BEWARE, FOR THE--
HOGGLE: JUST FORGET IT!
ROCKFACE: OH, PLEASE... I HAVEN'T SAID IT FOR SUCH A LONG TIME!
HOGGLE: OH, ALL RIGHT. BUT DON'T EXPECT A BIG REACTION.
ROCKFACE: NO, NO, NO. OF COURSE NOT!
[CLEARS THROAT]
ROCKFACE: FOR THE PATH YOU TAKE
ROCKFACE: WILL LEAD TO CERTAIN DESTRUCTION!... THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SCENE 12:
SARAH: UH-OH.
JARETH: AH. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
HOGGLE: AH, NOTHING.
JARETH: NOTHING? NOTHING? NOTHING? TRA LA LA.
HOGGLE: YOUR MAJESTY! WHAT A NICE SURPRISE!
JARETH: HELLO, HEGWART.
SARAH: HOGWART.
HOGGLE: HOGGLE!
JARETH: HOGGLE, ARE YOU HELPING THIS GIRL?
HOGGLE: H-H-HELPING? IN WHAT SENSE?
JARETH: IN THE SENSE OF LEADING HER TOWARDS THE CASTLE.
HOGGLE: NO, NO! I WAS TAKING HER BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
SARAH: WHAT?
HOGGLE: I TOLD HER I WAS GONNA HELP HER SOLVE THE LABYRINTH. A LITTLE TRICKERY ON MY PART, HEH HEH. BUT ACTUALLY--
JARETH: WHAT IS THAT PLASTIC THING ROUND YOUR WRIST?
HOGGLE: OH... OH, THIS! OH, MY GOODNESS, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
JARETH: HEGGLE...
HOGGLE: HOGGLE.
JARETH: YES... IF I THOUGHT FOR ONE SECOND YOU THAT WERE BETRAYING ME, I'D BE FORCED TO SUSPEND YOU HEADFIRST IN THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH.
HOGGLE: NO, YOUR MAJESTY! NOT THE ETERNAL STENCH!
JARETH: OH, YES, HOGGLE! AND YOU, SARAH. HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING MY LABYRINTH?
SARAH: IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE.
HOGGLE: OHH...
JARETH: REALLY? THEN HOW ABOUT UPPING THE STAKES. HMM?
SARAH: THAT'S NOT FAIR!
JARETH: YOU SAY THAT SO OFTEN. I WONDER WHAT YOUR BASIS FOR COMPARISON IS. SO, THE LABYRINTH'S A PIECE OF CAKE, IS IT? WELL, LET'S SEE HOW YOU DEAL WITH THIS LITTLE SLICE.
HOGGLE: OH, NO, THE CLEANERS!
SARAH: WHAT?
HOGGLE: RUN!
SARAH: OH! YOU OK? COME ON. FASTER! HOGGLE!
HOGGLE: OH! THE CLEANERS, THE BOG OF STENCH-- YOU SURE GOT HIS ATTENTION!
SCENE 13:
HOGGLE: AHH! THIS IS WHAT WE NEED! A LADDER! FOLLOW ME.
SARAH: HOW CAN I TRUST YOU NOW THAT I KNOW YOU WERE TAKING ME BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE LABYRINTH?
HOGGLE: I WASN'T. I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS TAKING YOU BACK TO THE BEGINNING JUST TO THROW HIM OFF THE SCENT.
SARAH: HOGGLE, HOW CAN I BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY?
HOGGLE: WELL, LOOK. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. WHAT CHOICE HAVE YOU GOT?
SARAH: YOU'RE RIGHT.
HOGGLE: SEE, YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND MY POSITION. I'M A COWARD, AND JARETH SCARES ME.
SARAH: WHAT KIND OF POSITION IS THAT?
HOGGLE: NO POSITION. THAT'S MY POINT. AND YOU WOULDN'T BE SO BRAVE IF YOU'D EVER SMELT THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH. IT'S, IT'S, IT'S-- AAH! YUH.
SARAH: IS THAT ALL IT DOES, IS SMELL?
HOGGLE: BELIEVE ME, THAT'S ENOUGH. BUT THE WORST THING IS, IF YOU SO MUCH AS PUT A FOOT IN THE BOG OF STENCH, YOU'LL SMELL BAD THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. IT'LL NEVER WASH OFF.
SCENE 14:
HOGGLE: AHH! HERE WE ARE, THEN. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN FROM NOW ON.
SARAH: WHAT?
HOGGLE: THAT'S IT. I QUIT.
SARAH: WAIT A MINUTE. HOGGLE!
HOGGLE: I SAID I DIDN’T PROMISE NOTHIN’. I SAID I'D TAKE YOU AS FAR AS I COULD GO.
SARAH: YOU LITTLE CHEAT. YOU NASTY LITTLE CHEAT!
HOGGLE: NOW, DON'T TRY TO EMBARRASS ME. I'VE GOT NO PRIDE.
SARAH: OH, YEAH?
HOGGLE: BUT THEM'S MY JEWELS! OH, YOU, GIVE THEM BACK! GIVE THEM BACK! GIVE THOSE BACK! OH, GIVE THOSE BACK TO ME! YOU...
SARAH: NOW. THERE'S THE CASTLE. WHICH WAY SHOULD WE TRY?
HOGGLE: THEM'S MY RIGHTFUL PROPERTY! IT'S NOT FAIR!
SARAH: NO, IT ISN'T. BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
WISEMAN: OHH...
HOGGLE: HMM? COR!
SARAH: EXCUSE ME, PLEASE, BUT CAN YOU HELP ME?
WISEMAN: OH! A YOUNG GIRL!
HAT: WHOO WHOO WHOO!
WISEMAN: AND WHO IS THIS?
SARAH: MY FRIEND.
WISEMAN: OH, YES... AND WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
SARAH: PLEASE, CAN YOU TELL -- THAT IS, I HAVE TO GET TO THE CASTLE AT THE CENTRE OF THE LABYRINTH. DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?
WISEMAN: AH.
HAT: AH.
WISEMAN: EH?
HAT: EH?
WISEMAN: OH, YES. HUH. YOU WANT TO GET TO THE CASTLE, HUH?
HAT: HOW'S THAT FOR BRAINPOWER, HUH?
WISEMAN: BE QUIET!
HAT: AW, NUTS.
WISEMAN: SO, YOUNG WOMAN, THE WAY FORWARD IS SOMETIMES THE WAY BACK.
HAT: AYE! WILL YOU LISTEN TO THIS CRAP!
WISEMAN: WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET!
HAT: ALL RIGHT.
WISEMAN: OK?
HAT: OK.
WISEMAN: ALL RIGHT.
HAT: ALL RIGHT... SORRY.
WISEMAN: FINISHED?
HAT: ...YES.
WISEMAN: QUITE OFTEN, YOUNG LADY, IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE, WHEN, IN FACT...
HAT: WE ARE.
WISEMAN: WE ARE.
SARAH: I'M CERTAINLY NOT GETTING ANYWHERE AT THE MOMENT.
HAT: HA! JOIN THE CLUB!
[SNORE]
HAT: I, UH, I THINK THAT'S YOUR LOT. PLEASE LEAVE A CONTRIBUTION IN THE LITTLE BOX.
HOGGLE: DON'T YOU DARE! THEM'S MINE! COR.
SARAH: WELL... I GUESS I CAN SPARE THIS.
HAT: GRACIAS, SENORITA!
HOGGLE: OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GIVE HIM THAT. HE DIDN'T TELL YOU NOTHING.
HAT: WELL, WELL, THEN. THERE GO A COUPLE OF SUCKERS.
[SNORE]
AH! IT'S SO STIMULATING BEING YOUR HAT.
SCENE 15:
HOGGLE: WHY, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT? ABOUT MY BEING YOUR FRIEND?
SARAH: BECAUSE YOU ARE. YOU MAY NOT BE MUCH OF A FRIEND, BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY FRIEND I'VE GOT IN THIS PLACE.
HOGGLE: COR! HUH!
SARAH: DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
HOGGLE: OH.
SARAH: BUT NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
HOGGLE: FRIEND. HUH! I LIKE THAT. I AIN'T NEVER BEEN NO ONE'S FRIEND BEFORE.
LUDO: YARHHH!
HOGGLE: OH! GOODBYE!
SARAH: WAIT A MINUTE!
HOGGLE: KEEP THE STUFF!
SARAH: ARE YOU MY FRIEND OR NOT?
HOGGLE: NO! NO I’M NOT! HOGGLE AIN'T NO ONE'S FRIEND. HE LOOKS AFTER HIMSELF, LIKE EVERYONE! ARGH. HOGGLE IS HOGGLE'S FRIEND!
SARAH: HOGGLE! YOU COWARD!
LUDO: AAARGHH!
SARAH: WELL, I'M NOT AFRAID. THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM IN THIS PLACE.
LUDO: GRRR! YARGGH!
GOBLIN: TRY THIS FOR SIZE, YOU BIG YETI!
GOBLIN: WE GOT YOU NOW, FUZZBALL!
GOBLIN: HA HA HA!
LUDO: GRRR! RRAGHH!
GOBLINS: HEEHOO YAH!
GOBLIN: NIPPY, NIPPY, NIP, NIP!
LUDO: GRRR!
[CHOMP!]
SARAH: IF I ONLY HAD SOMETHING TO THROW...
LUDO: EEOOWW!
GOBLINS: HA HA HA!
GOBLIN: BITE HIM ON THE TERIYAKI!
GOBLIN: SAKI TO HIM! SAKI TO HIM! HA HA HA!
[CLANK!]
GOBLIN: OH! WHAT HAPPENED? WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS? I CAN'T SEE! AAH!
GOBLIN: HEY, WHY'D YOU BITE ME?
GOBLIN: WHO BITE WHO?
GOBLIN: WHY'D YOU BITE ME?
GOBLIN: I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!
[CLANK!]
GOBLIN: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
GOBLIN: RETREAT!
GOBLIN: ALL RIGHT, WHO BIT ME?
GOBLIN: OH, MY ACHING SUSHI!
GOBLIN: YII!
SCENE 16:
LUDO: YARRGH! YARRGH! YARRGH!
SARAH: NOW, STOP THAT.
LUDO: YARRGH. HMM?
SARAH: IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO HELP YOU?
LUDO: HRHHH...
SARAH: DON'T YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU DOWN? HMM?
LUDO: LUDO... DOWN.
SARAH: LUDO? IS THAT YOUR NAME?
LUDO: LUDO.
SARAH: OH, YOU SEEM LIKE SUCH A NICE BEAST. WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU ARE WHAT YOU SEEM TO BE.
LUDO: AH. AH!
SARAH: JUST HANG ON. I'LL GET YOU DOWN. JUST A SECOND. UH! OH, I'M SORRY! OH! LUDO, ARE YOU HURT?
LUDO: OH. OH... AH. AH. HUH. OH. FRIEND?
SARAH: THAT'S RIGHT, LUDO. I'M SARAH.
LUDO: HRRM. SARAH. AH! OOH.
SARAH: OH, HERE, LET ME HELP YOU. ARE YOU OK?
LUDO: AH. WAHH! HUH. HUH.
LUDO: SARAH. SARAH FRIEND! YEAH.
SARAH: NOW, WAIT. JUST A SECOND. I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING, LUDO.
LUDO: HUH? WHAT?
SARAH: I HAVE TO GET TO THE CASTLE AT THE CENTRE OF THE LABYRINTH. DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?
LUDO: HMM. AH...UH! NO.
SARAH: YOU DON'T KNOW, EITHER, HUH? I WONDER IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO GET THROUGH THIS LABYRINTH.
HOGGLE: GET THROUGH THE LABYRINTH? GET THROUGH THE LABYRINTH? ONE THING'S FOR SURE, SHE'LL NEVER GET THROUGH THE LABYRINTH. AH. COR.
SARAH: HEY.
LUDO: HMM?
SARAH: WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?
LUDO: HMM?
SARAH: WHAT DO YOU THINK, LUDO? WHICH SHOULD WE CHOOSE OUT OF THESE TWO UGLY CHARACTERS?
LUDO: MMM...
SCENE 16:
KNOCKER1: IT'S VERY RUDE TO STARE!
SARAH: OH!
SARAH: I’M SORRY, I WAS JUST WONDERING WHICH DOOR TO CHOOSE.
KNOCKER2: HS DF ASA PST.
KNOCKER1: DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!
KNOCKER2: I'M NT TLKG WTH MY MTH FLL!
SARAH: WAIT A SECOND. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
KNOCKER1: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
KNOCKER2: AH! OH! OH! IT IS SO GOOD TO GET THAT THING OUT!
SARAH: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
KNOCKER2: IT'S NO GOOD TALKING TO HIM. HE'S DEAF AS A POST.
KNOCKER1: MUMBLE, MUMBLE. YOU'RE A WONDERFUL CONVERSATIONAL COMPANION.
KNOCKER2: YOU CAN TALK! ALL YOU DO IS MOAN!
KNOCKER1: NO GOOD. CAN'T HEAR YOU.
SARAH: WHERE DO THESE DOORS LEAD?
KNOCKER1: WHAT?
KNOCKER2: SEARCH ME. WE'RE JUST THE KNOCKERS. HA HA, HA HA!
SARAH: OH.
LUDO: RRR.
SARAH: HOW DO I GET THROUGH?
KNOCKER1: HUH?
KNOCKER2: KNOCK, AND THE DOOR WILL OPEN.
SARAH: OH.
LUDO: HUH?
SARAH: LUDO...
LUDO: HUH. HUH. AH!
KNOCKER2: I DON'T WANT THAT BACK IN MY MOUTH.
SARAH: C’MON! I WANT TO KNOCK.
KNOCKER1: DOESN'T WANT HIS RING BACK IN HIS HOUTH, EH? CAN'T SAY I BLAME HIM.
KNOCKER2: UMPH! MMM! MMM! MHHH! MMMHHH... AH!
LUDO: YES!
[MUMBLING]
SARAH: SORRY.
KNOCKER2: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M USED TO IT.
SCENE 17:
SARAH: COME ON, LUDO!
[DOOR CLOSES]
LUDO: HUH? OHHH.
GOBLIN: YOU SEE, GET THE BALL IN THE...
TOBY: DA DA DA.
[BURP!]
JARETH: YOU'RE WELCOME.
[BABY CRYING]
JARETH: HE'S A LIVELY LITTLE CHAP. I THINK I'LL CALL HIM JARETH. HE'S GOT MY EYES.
GOBLINS: HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
LUDO: OHH... LUDO SCARED.
SARAH: OH, GIVE ME YOUR HAND. COME ON. IMAGINE A BIG THING LIKE YOU BEING SCARED.
LUDO: YEAH.
SARAH: SEE, LUDO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
LUDO: OH!
SARAH: LUDO? LUDO? LUDO? LUDO, WHERE ARE YOU? LUDO!
HOGGLE: BLAH!
SARAH: HOGGLE, HELP!
HOGGLE: I'M COMING, SARAH!
JARETH: WELL, IF IT ISN'T YOU. AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HOGGLE: UH, WELL, THE LITTLE LADY GAVE ME THE SLIP, BUT I JUST HEARS HER NOW, SO I WAS ABOUT TO LEAD HER BACK TO THE BEGINNING LIKE YOU TOLD ME.
JARETH: I SEE. FOR ONE MOMENT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE RUNNING TO HELP HER. BUT, UH, NO, NOT AFTER MY WARNINGS. THAT WOULD BE STUPID!
HOGGLE: YOU BET IT WOULD! ME? HELP HER? AFTER YOUR WARNINGS? HA HA HA!
JARETH: OH, DEAR. POOR HOGHEAD.
HOGGLE: HOGGLE.
JARETH: I'VE JUST NOTICED YOUR LOVELY JEWELS ARE MISSING.
HOGGLE: UH, OH, YES! SO THEY ARE. MY LOVELY JEWELS, MISSING. UH, UH...
SARAH: LUDO!
HOGGLE: I'D BETTER FIND THEM. BUT FIRST, I'M OFF TO TAKE THE LADY TO THE BEGINNING OF THE LABYRINTH.
JARETH: WAIT! I'VE GOT A MUCH BETTER PLAN, HOGGLE. GIVE HER THIS.
HOGGLE: W-WHAT IS IT?
JARETH: IT'S A PRESENT.
HOGGLE: IT AIN’T GONNA HURT THE LITTLE LADY, IS IT?
JARETH: OH, NOW, WHY THE CONCERN?
HOGGLE: UH, I WON'T DO NOTHIN’ TO HARM HER!
JARETH: OH, COME, COME, COME, HOGBRAIN! I'M SURPRISED AT YOU, LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER A GIRL.
HOGGLE: I AIN'T LOST MY HEAD!
JARETH: YOU DON'T THINK A YOUNG GIRL COULD LIKE A REPULSIVE LITTLE SCAB LIKE YOU, DO YOU?
HOGGLE: WELL, SHE SAID WE WAS--
JARETH: WHAT? BOSOM COMPANIONS? FRIENDS?
HOGGLE: OHH. DON'T MATTER.
JARETH: YOU'LL GIVE HER THAT, HOGGLE, OR I'LL TIP YOU STRAIGHT INTO THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH BEFORE YOU CAN BLINK!
HOGGLE: YES. RIGHT.
JARETH: AND, HOGGLE. IF SHE EVER KISSES YOU, I'LL TURN YOU INTO A PRINCE.
HOGGLE: Y-YOU WILL?
JARETH: PRINCE OF THE LAND OF STENCH! HA HA HA!
SCENE 18:
SARAH: LUDO? LUDO?
[SNAP]
[TAP TAP TAP]
SARAH: WHAT'S GOING ON?
FIREY: YAH!
FIREY: HA HA HA!
FIREY: YAHOO!
SARAH: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
FIREY: AHA!
FIREY: WE'RE JUST OUT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!
FIREY: THAT'S RIGHT!
FIREY: YEAH!
FIREYS: WHOO!
FIREY: / DON'T GOT NO PROBLEMS /
FIREYS: / NO PROBLEMS /
FIREY: / AIN'T GOT NO SUITCASE /
FIREYS: / NO SUITCASE /
FIREY: / AIN'T GOT NO CLOTHES TO WORRY ABOUT /
FIREYS: / NO CLOTHES TO WORRY ABOUT /
FIREY: / AIN'T GOT NO REAL ESTATE OR JEWELRY OR GOLD MINES TO HANG ME UP /
FIREY: / I JUST THROW IN MY HAND /
FIREYS: / THROW IN HIS HAND /
FIREY: / WITH THE CHILLIEST BUNCH IN THE LAND /
FIREYS: / IN THE LAND /
FIREY: / THEY DON'T LOOK MUCH /
FIREY: / THEY'RE SURE CHILLY CHILLY /
FIREY: / THEY'RE POSITIVELY GLOW GLOW, HUH! /
FIREYS: / CHILLY DOWN WITH THE FIRE GANG /
/ THINK SMALL WITH THE FIRE GANG /
/ BAD HEP WITH THE WILD GANG /
FIREY: LIKE THE MAN SAID, DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD!
FIREYS: / WHEN YOUR THING GETS WILD /
/ CHILLY DOWN, CHILLY DOWN WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: HEY, I'M A WILD CHILD!
FIREYS: / WALK TALL WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: WHOO! WALK TALL!
FIREYS: / GOOD TIMES, BAD FOOD /
FIREY: YEAH! BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB!
FIREYS: / WHEN YOUR THING GETS WILD CHILLY DOWN, CHILLY DOWN /
FIREY: YEAH!
FIREY: ROLL 'EM!
FIREYS: SNAKE EYES!
FIREY: HA HA HA! AH!
[GULP!]
FIREY: ALL RIGHT!
FIREY: HEY, LADY!
FIREY: WHOO! WHOO!
FIREY: OOH! OOH!
FIREY: GRRR!
FIREY: WHOO!
FIREY: YEAH!
FIREY: OOH!
FIREY: FORE!
FIREY: HA HA HA!
FIREY: / SO WHEN THINGS GET TOO TOUGH /
FIREYS: / THINGS GET TOO TOUGH /
FIREY: / YOUR CHIN IS DRAGGING ON THE GROUND /
FIREYS: / DRAGGING ON THE GROUND /
FIREY: / AND EVEN DOWN LOOKS UP /
FIREYS: / DOWN LOOKS UP /
FIREY: / BAD LUCK /
FIREYS: HA HA HA!
FIREY: / WE CAN SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME /
FIREYS: / SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME /
FIREY: / AND WE DON'T CHARGE NOTHIN' /
FIREYS: / NOTHIN' AT ALL /
FIREY: / JUST STRUT YOUR NASTY STUFF /
/ WIGGLE IN THE MIDDLE, YEAH /
/ GET THE TOWN TALKING, FIRE GANG /
FIREYS: / CHILLY DOWN WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: / THINK SMALL /
FIREYS: / THINK SMALL WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: BAD HEP!
FIREYS: / BAD HEP, HAPPY WILD GANG /
FIREY: HEY, LISTEN UP!
FIREYS: / WHEN YOUR THING GETS WILD, CHILLY DOWN, CHILLY DOWN WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: AH, SHAKE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD.
FIREYS: / HAVE FUN WITH THE FIRE GANG /
FIREY: TAP YOUR PRETTY LITTLE FEET.
FIREYS: / GOOD TIMES, BAD FOOD //
FIREY: COME ON, COME ON!
SARAH: OH! OH!
FIREY: HEY! HEY! HER HEAD DON'T COME OFF!
SARAH: OF COURSE IT DOESN'T!
FIREY: SHE'S RIGHT. IT'S STUCK ON.
FIREY: WHERE YOU GOING WITH A HEAD LIKE THAT?
FIREY: HEY MAN, I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO. TAKE OFF HER HEAD!
FIREY: YEAH, LET'S TAKE HER APART!
FIREY: HEY, LADY, THAT'S HIS HEAD!
FIREY: HEY, THAT'S MY HEAD!
FIREY: THAT'S A FRIEND OF MINE!
FIREY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FIREY: HEY!
FIREY: WHOA!
FIREY: HEY, LADY! IT'S AGAINST THE RULES TO THROW OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS!
FIREY: YOU'RE ONLY ALLOWED TO THROW YOUR OWN HEAD!
FIREY: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! WHERE'S THE REFEREE?
[WHISTLE]
NOW WE GOT TO TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF! HA HA HA!
FIREY: STOP HER, SOMEBODY! STOP HER!
FIREY: COME BACK, LITTLE LADY!
FIREY: PLAY THE GAME!
FIREY: YEAH! WE GET TO THROW YOUR HEAD! C’MON ON!
FIREY: HEY, YOU CAN’T QUIT! THE GAME’S NOT OVER!
[WHISTLE]
FIREY: HEY, LADY!
SARAH: LEAVE ME ALONE!
FIREY: WE GET A FREE THROW!
FIREY: HEY LADY! YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF, DON’T YOU?
FIREY: SURE SHE DOES!
SARAH: HOGGLE!
FIREY: GRAB IT!
FIREY: HEY! DON’T YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE US?
SARAH: LEAVE ME ALONE!
FIREY: TAKE OFF YOUR HEAD!
FIREY: IT WON’T HURT! GET A SAW!
FIREY: WELL IF YOU PLAY, WE’LL TAKE OFF YOUR ARM!
FIREY: AND EAR! TAKE OFF YOUR EAR!
FIREY: YOU DON'T NEED TWO EARS!
FIREY: GAME'S ALMOST OVER.
HOGGLE: SHOO! GO AWAY!
SARAH: HOGGLE! YOU'VE COME TO HELP ME!
HOGGLE: NO. DON'T KISS ME! DON'T KISS ME!
SARAH: AAH!
SCENE 19:
SARAH: AAH!
HOGGLE: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! AAH! UH!
SARAH: OH! HOGGLE! HOLD ON!
HOGGLE: NO! OOH!
SARAH: OH, MY GOD!
HOGGLE: BLAH!
[FART!]
[FART!]
[FART!]
SARAH: UH! WHAT IS IT?
HOGGLE: THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH! BLEH! UH!
SARAH: I'VE NEVER SMELT ANYTHING LIKE IT! IT'S LIKE... LIKE...
[FART! GAG! BURP!]
HOGGLE: OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT'S LIKE. IT'S A BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH! HELP!
SARAH: UH! HOLD ON!
[BURP!]
SARAH: UH!
HOGGLE: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO A THING LIKE THAT FOR?
SARAH: DO WHAT?
[FAARRRT!]
SARAH: YOU MEAN RESCUE YOU?
HOGGLE: WHAT? NO. YOU KISSED ME.
SARAH: AAH!
HOGGLE: OH, MY GOSH.
SARAH: DON'T PRETEND TO BE SO HARD. I KNOW YOU CAME BACK TO HELP ME, AND I KNOW YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
HOGGLE: DID NOT! AM NOT! I'VE JUST COME TO GET ME PROPERTY BACK. OH, AND, UH... UH, GIVE YOU, GIVE YOU, UH...
SARAH: GIVE ME WHAT?
HOGGLE: OH! AH!
SARAH: OH! HOGGLE! AAH! LUDO!
LUDO: SMELL.
SARAH: WHERE'S HOGGLE?
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
HOGGLE: GET OFF OF ME!
SARAH: OH, HERE! HOGGLE! OH NO, IT'S OK. THIS IS LUDO. HE'S A FRIEND, TOO.
HOGGLE: A WHAT?
LUDO: SMELL!
SARAH: OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
[BURP! FART!]
HOGGLE: OH, MY GOD! OH! UH...
[WHEEZES]
SARAH: THERE'S A BRIDGE. COME ON.
HOGGLE: WATCH IT. YOU STEP IN THIS STUFF, AND YOU'LL STINK FOREVER.
SCENE 20:
DIDYMUS: STOP! STOP, I SAY!
SARAH: OH, PLEASE! WE HAVE TO GET ACROSS.
DIDYMUS: WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, NO ONE MAY CROSS.
SARAH: PLEASE! I ONLY HAVE A LITTLE TIME LEFT!
HOGGLE: WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS STENCH.
LUDO: SMELL BAD!
DIDYMUS: STENCH? OF WHAT SPEAKETH THOU?
SARAH: THIS SMELL.
DIDYMUS: I SMELL NOTHING!
HOGGLE: YOU’RE JOKING.
DIDYMUS: I LIVE BY MY SENSE OF SMELL!
[SNIFF]
DIDYMUS: AHH! THE AIR IS SWEET AND FRAGRANT, AND NONE MAY PASS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!
LUDO: SMELL BAD!
HOGGLE: OH, GET OUT OF MY WAY!
DIDYMUS: I WARN THEE, I AM SWORN TO DO MY DUTY!
HOGGLE: OOH!
SARAH: C’MON. LET US GET ACROSS.
DIDYMUS: HOLD! OOH! AH HA, HA HA! LISTEN, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HURT YOU!
SARAH: HOGGLE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DIDYMUS: LET GO OF MY STAFF! YAAH! HA-HA!
LUDO: HMM?
DIDYMUS: ALL RIGHT, THEN. I CAN CONQUER THIS MOUNTAIN.
LUDO: GRR!
DIDYMUS: WHOA!
LUDO: AAH!
DIDYMUS: AAH! HA HA! YAH, YAH, YAH!... THOU MUST DO BETTER THAN THAT! GIVE UP? HA HA!... ENOUGH! BEFORE THIS DAY, NEVER HAVE I MET MY MATCH IN BATTLE, YET THIS NOBLE KNIGHT HAS FOUGHT ME TO A STANDSTILL!
SARAH: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LUDO?
LUDO: SMELL!
DIDYMUS: SIR LUDO, IF THAT’S THY NAME, NOW I, SIR DIDYMUS, YIELD TO THEE. COME! LET US BE BROTHERS HENCEFORTH AND FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT AS ONE!... OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LUDO: LUDO GET BROTHER.
DIDYMUS: WELL MET, SIR LUDO.
SARAH: GOOD! COME ON.
DIDYMUS: WAIT A MINUTE! YOU FORGET MY SACRED VOW, MY LADY. I CANNOT LET YOU PASS.
SARAH: BUT YOU JUST SAID LUDO IS YOUR BROTHER!
DIDYMUS: I HAVE TAKEN AN OATH, AND I MUST DEFEND IT TO THE DEATH.
LUDO: OHH, SMELL!
SARAH: OK, LET'S HANDLE THIS THING LOGICALLY. WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU SWORN?
DIDYMUS: I HAVE SWORN WITH MY LIFEBLOOD NO ONE SHALL PASS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
SARAH: WELL... MAY WE HAVE YOUR PERMISSION?
DIDYMUS: WELL, I, UH... UH...
LUDO: URGH.
DIDYMUS: YES.
SARAH: THANK YOU, NOBLE SIR.
DIDYMUS: MY LADY.
SARAH: UH-OH.
DIDYMUS: HAVE NO FEAR. THIS BRIDGE HAS LASTED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.
SARAH: NO!
DIDYMUS: IT SEEMED SOLID ENOUGH.
SARAH: HOGGLE!
DIDYMUS: FEAR NOT, FAIR MAIDEN, I WILL SAVE THEE... SOMEHOW.
LUDO: WHOO!
DIDYMUS: SIR LUDO, CANST THOU SIT BY AND HOWL WHEN YON MAIDEN NEEDS OUR HELP?
LUDO: WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
SARAH: THAT'S INCREDIBLE, LUDO!
DIDYMUS: MY BROTHER! CANST THOU SUMMON UP THE VERY ROCKS?
LUDO: SURE. ROCKS FRIENDS.
HOGGLE: YUCK.
SARAH: HOGGLE.
HOGGLE: HERE!
SARAH: THANKS, HOGGLE.
[FART!]
[FART!]
SARAH: CAREFUL, LUDO.
[FART!]
[FAAART!]
[FART!]
[FART!]
[FART!]
DIDYMUS: SIR LUDO, WAIT FOR ME! OH, AMBROSIOUS! IT'S ALL RIGHT, AMBROSIOUS. YOU CAN COME OUT NOW. COME ON. THAT-A BOY. MY LOYAL STEED. STEADY. UP! FORWARD. AH, STEADY! STEADY, BOY. COME ON, AMBROSIOUS. JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND GO.
[FART FART FART]
[FART FART FART FART]
SARAH: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
DIDYMUS: EXCUSE US. THANK YOU.
SCENE 21:
[JARETH] I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU.
HOGGLE: OH, PLEASE. I CAN'T GIVE IT TO HER.
DIDYMUS: WELL, COME ON, THEN. WE SHOULD REACH THE CASTLE WELL BEFORE DAY.
JARETH: LOOK, SARAH. IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO FIND?
TOBY: AHH, AHH, AHH!
JARETH: SO MUCH TROUBLE OVER SUCH A LITTLE THING, BUT NOT FOR LONG. SHE'LL SOON FORGET ALL ABOUT YOU,
JARETH: MY FINE FELLOW... JUST AS SOON AS HOGGLE GIVES HER MY PRESENT. THEN SHE'LL FORGET EVERYTHING.
[BUBBLING]
DIDYMUS: IS THAT MY STOMACH OR YOURS, AMBROSIOUS?
LUDO: HUNGRY.
SARAH: YEAH. WELL, WE CAN'T STOP NOW. MAYBE WE CAN FIND SOME BERRIES OR SOMETHING.
HOGGLE: UH, SARAH...
SARAH: YEAH?
HOGGLE: UH, HERE.
SARAH: HOGGLE! OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE A LIFESAVER!... OH NO... THIS TASTES STRANGE.
HOGGLE: OH!
SARAH: HOGGLE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
HOGGLE: OH, DAMN YOU, JARETH! AND DAMN ME, TOO!
SARAH: EVERYTHING'S DANCING.
DIDYMUS: YEA, VERILY! WHOA, AMBROSIOUS! WHOA! THE CASTLE DOTH LIE YONDER, MY LADY. MY LADY? MY LADY? MY LADY?
DANCER: HA HA HA!
JARETH:
/ THERE'S SUCH A SAD LOVE /
/ DEEP IN YOUR EYES /
/ A KIND OF PALE JEWEL /
/ OPENED AND CLOSED WITHIN YOUR EYES /
/ I'LL PLACE THE SKY /
/ WITHIN YOUR EYES /
/ THERE'S SUCH A FOOLED HEART /
/ BEATING SO FAST /
/ IN SEARCH OF NEW DREAMS /
/ A LOVE THAT WILL LAST /
/ WITHIN YOUR HEART /
/ I'LL PLACE THE MOON /
/ WITHIN YOUR HEART /
/ AS THE PAIN SWEEPS THROUGH /
/ MAKES NO SENSE FOR YOU /
/ EVERY THRILL HAS GONE /
/ WASN'T TOO MUCH FUN AT ALL /
/ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU /
/ AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN /
/ FALLING /
/ AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN /
/ IT'S FALLING DOWN /
/ FALLING IN LOVE /
/ I'LL PAINT YOU MORNINGS OF GOLD /
/ I'LL SPIN YOU VALENTINE EVENINGS /
/ THOUGH WE'RE STRANGERS TILL NOW /
/ WE'RE CHOOSING A PATH /
/ BETWEEN THE STARS /
/ I'LL LAY MY LOVE /
/ BETWEEN THE STARS /
/ AS THE PAIN SWEEPS THROUGH /
/ MAKES NO SENSE FOR YOU /
/ EVERY THRILL HAS GONE /
/ WASN'T TOO MUCH FUN AT ALL /
/ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU /
/ AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN /
/ IT'S FALLING /
/ AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN /
/ IT'S FALLING /
/ IT'S FALLING /
/ AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN /
/ IT’S FALLING /
/ IT'S FALLING /
/ FALLING IN LOVE /
/ IT'S FALLING //
DANCER: AAH! AAH! AAH!
SCENE 22:
HOGGLE: OH, SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME. WHAT HAVE I DONE? I'VE LOST MY ONLY FRIEND, THAT'S WHAT I'VE DONE. OH.
SARAH: WHAT WAS I DOING? OOH! AAH!
JUNKLADY: OW! GET OFF MY BACK! WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOUNG WOMAN, HMM?
SARAH: I WAS LOOKING.
JUNKLADY: HUH? HUH? AND WHERE WERE YOU GOING?
SARAH: I DON'T REMEMBER.
JUNKLADY: YOU CAN'T LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING!
SARAH: I WAS SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING.
JUNKLADY: WELL, LOOK HERE! HMM?
SARAH: LANCELOT? THANK YOU.
JUNKLADY: THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, WASN'T IT, MY DEAR?
SARAH: YES, I FORGOT.
JUNKLADY: NOW, WHY DON'T YOU COME IN HERE AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE YOU LIKE, HMM? HA HA HA HA HA!
SARAH: OH! AH. OH! IT WAS JUST A DREAM. I DREAMED IT ALL, LANCELOT. BUT IT WAS SO REAL. LET'S GO SEE IF DADDY'S BACK, OK?
JUNKLADY: BETTER TO STAY IN HERE, DEAR! YES! THERE'S NOTHING YOU WANT OUT THERE. NO, OH HO HO, NO! OH, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?
SARAH: LANCELOT...
JUNKLADY: OH, YOUR LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT! YOU LIKE YOUR LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT, DON’T YOU? YES, YES, YES! THERE YOU GO. OOH, AND THERE'S BETSY BOO! YOU REMEMBER BETSY BOO, DON’T YOU? YES, YES, YES! NOW THEN, WHAT ELSE HAVE WE GOT? WHAT'S THIS? OOH! LET'S HAVE A LOOK. OOH, IT'S A PENCIL BOX! GOT LOTS OF PENCILS IN IT TOO, AND OHH! HERE'S YOUR PANDA SLIPPERS! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE YOUR PANDA SLIPPERS! YOU NEVER WANTED THEM THROWN AWAY, DID YOU? THERE THEY ARE. THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S RIGHT. OK, NOW THEN, WHAT ELSE? OH, IT'S LITTLE HORSIE. YOU LOVE LITTLE HORSIE, DON'T YOU, DEAR? AND LOOK AT THIS! YOU GOT A PRINTING GAME, YOU HAVE! OOH, HERE'S A TREASURE. YOU'LL WANT THAT, WON'T YOU, MY DEAR? YES, GO ON. PUT IT ON. MAKE YOURSELF UP. AND HERE'S DEAR OLD FLOPSY. YOU'LL WANT HER, RIGHT? THERE YOU GO. OH, YES. AAH! OH, YES. CHARLIE BEAR. RIGHT. THERE'S CHARLIE BEAR FOR YOU, HMM?
SARAH: THERE WAS SOMETHING I WAS LOOKING FOR.
JUNKLADY: AH, DON'T TALK NONSENSE. IT’S ALL HERE. EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD YOU'VE EVER CARED ABOUT IS ALL RIGHT HERE. LOOK! HERE'S YOUR LITTLE TOY CANDY SHOP!
SARAH: "THROUGH DANGERS UNTOLD AND HARDSHIPS UNNUMBERED, I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY TO TAKE BACK THE CHILD THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN."
JUNKLADY: UH, UH, WHAT'S THE MATTER, MY DEAR? DON'T YOU LIKE YOUR TOYS?
SARAH: IT'S ALL JUNK.
JUNKLADY: HUH? WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS? THIS IS NOT JUNK. EH?
SARAH: YES, IT IS! I HAVE TO SAVE TOBY!
DIDYMUS: MY LADY! ARF ARF!
LUDO: SARAH?
DIDYMUS: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!
LUDO: SARAH?
DIDYMUS: MY LADY!
LUDO: SARAH?
DIDYMUS: FAIR MAIDEN. THANK GOODNESS, THOU ART SAFE AT LAST!
SARAH: WHERE ARE WE?
LUDO: SARAH BACK.
SCENE 23:
DIDYMUS: MY LADY, LOOK! WE'RE ALMOST THERE! THOSE ARE THE GATES TO THE GOBLIN CITY!
SARAH: LUDO! SIR DIDYMUS! LET'S GO QUICKLY. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
DIDYMUS: RIGHT! AMBROSIOUS, FORWARD!
HOGGLE: NO, NO!
DIDYMUS: OPEN UP! OPEN THE DOOR!
SARAH: SHH! SIR DIDYMUS, WE MUST GO QUIETLY.
DIDYMUS: ARF ARF! OPEN UP! OPEN UP RIGHT NOW!
SARAH: SIR DIDYMUS, YOU'LL WAKE THE GUARD! QUIET!
DIDYMUS: WELL, LET THEM ALL WAKE UP!
SARAH: SHH!
DIDYMUS: I SHALL FIGHT YOU ALL TO THE DEATH! ARF ARF ARF!
SARAH: PLEASE, SIR DIDYMUS, FOR MY SAKE, HUSH!
DIDYMUS: BUT OF COURSE! FOR THEE, ANYTHING. BUT I'M NOT A COWARD?
SARAH: NO.
DIDYMUS: AND MY SENSE OF SMELL IS KEEN?
SARAH: OH, YES!
DIDYMUS: THEN I SHALL FIGHT ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYPLACE, ANYTIME!
SARAH: YES, YES, WE ALL KNOW! NOW HUSH. COME QUIETLY.
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIOUS, BE QUIET NOW! I DON'T SEE WHY WE HAVE TO BE SO QUIET. IT'S ONLY A GOBLIN CITY.
SARAH: I SMELL TROUBLE.
[SLAM!]
LUDO: GRR!
SARAH: COME ON, LUDO. OH, NO!
LUDO: GRR!
SARAH: WHAT IS THAT?
HUMONGOUS:WHO GOES?
DIDYMUS: ARF ARF ARF!
HUMONGOUS:WHO GOES?
DIDYMUS: ARF ARF ARF!
LUDO: GRR!
HUMONGOUS:WHO GOES?
DIDYMUS: ARF ARF ARF!
SARAH: WATCH OUT!
AMBROSIUS:NEIGH!
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIOUS! ARF ARF!
SARAH: DUCK!
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIOUS, WILL YOU COME HERE! AMBROSIOUS, COME HERE RIGHT NOW! WILL YOU PLEASE COME? OH, BUT YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!
SARAH: OH, LUDO! HOGGLE! OH!
LUDO: HUH?
HOGGLE: YAH!
GOBLIN: AAH!
HOGGLE: LOOK OUT! GET OUT OF THERE! BOMBS AWAY!
GOBLIN: BLAAH! THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
LUDO: GRR!
GOBLIN: AAH!
HOGGLE: MY TURN NOW! HOW DO YOU DRIVE THIS THING?
SARAH: DROP THE AXE!
HOGGLE: I'M TRYING!
DIDYMUS: COME HERE AT ONCE.
[WHISTLES]
HOGGLE: OH, WHERE'S REVERSE? AAH!
SARAH: GET OUT OF THERE, HOGGLE!
HOGGLE: ABANDON SHIP! YAH!
SARAH: HOGGLE! OH, HOGGLE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HOGGLE: I'M NOT ASKING TO BE FORGIVEN. I AIN'T ASHAMED OF NOTHIN’ I DID. BUT JARETH MADE ME GIVE YOU THAT PEACH. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME. I TOLD YOU I WAS A COWARD. I AIN'T INTERESTED IN BEING FRIENDS.
SARAH: I FORGIVE YOU, HOGGLE.
HOGGLE: YOU--YOU DO?
DIDYMUS: AND I COMMEND YOU. RARELY HAVE I SEEN SUCH COURAGE. YOU ARE A VALIANT MAN, SIR HOGGLE.
HOGGLE: HUH... I AM?
LUDO: UUUH. HOGGLE AND LUDO FRIENDS.
HOGGLE: WE ARE?
SARAH: HERE ARE YOUR THINGS, HOGGLE. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HOGGLE: WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? LET'S GET THAT RAT WHO CALLS HIMSELF JARETH.
SARAH: RIGHT!
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIUS, IT'S SAFE NOW. NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
HOGGLE: ARGH! AH!
SCENE 24:
CAT: MEOW MEOW.
HOGGLE: AH.
GOBLIN: YOUR HIGHNESS! YOUR HIGHNESS! YOUR HIGHNESS. THE GIRL...
JARETH: WHAT?
GOBLIN: THE GIRL WHO ATE THE PEACH, WHO FORGOT EVERYTHING!
JARETH: WHAT OF HER?
GOBLIN: SHE’S HERE WITH THE MONSTER, SIR DIDYMUS, AND THE DWARF WHO WORKED FOR YOU!
JARETH: WHAT!
GOBLIN: THEY GOT THROUGH THE GATES AND ARE ON THEIR WAY TO THE CASTLE!
JARETH: STOP HER! CALL OUT THE GUARDS. TAKE THE BABY AND HIDE IT.
GOBLINS: GUARDS!
JARETH: SHE MUST BE STOPPED! DO SOMETHING! COME ON, MOVE! MOVE!
SCENE 25:
SARAH: I THINK WE'RE GONNA TO MAKE IT!
HOGGLE: OH, PIECE OF CAKE! HEH HEH.
GOBLIN: COMPANY, HALT! LANCES, READY!
[TRUMPET]
GOBLIN: CANNON, FIRE!
GOBLINS: CHARGE! CHARGE! CHARGE!
SARAH: OH! RUN!
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIUS, TURN ABOUT!
SARAH: QUICK! THIS WAY!
DIDYMUS: CHARGE! NO, NOT THAT WAY! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! THE BATTLE'S BEHIND US! AMBROSIUS, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS? SIT!
SARAH: CAREFUL. OK. THROUGH HERE.
DIDYMUS: I’M SERIOUS!
SARAH: OK, COME ON, GUYS.
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIUS, IF YOU DON’T TURN AROUND THIS SECOND,
I WILL NEVER FEED YOU AGAIN!
[SCREECH]
DIDYMUS: THAT'S BETTER.
AMBROSIUS:OUW! OUW.
DIDYMUS: DON'T WORRY, AMBROSIOUS. I THINK WE'VE GOT THEM SURROUNDED.
SARAH: DIDYMUS! WHERE'S DIDYMUS?
GOBLIN: FIRE!
GOBLIN: I HIT SOMETHING, YES? NO?
SARAH: WE'VE GOT TO FIND DIDYMUS. DOWN THIS WAY.
GOBLIN: WHOA.
DIDYMUS: GRRRR! RRRRR! CHARGE! HA HA HA! TALLYHO! AAH! AH! AH! UH! AMBROSIUS, YOU COWARD! OH! AH! AH! AMBROSIUS!
SARAH: OOH! QUICK, IN HERE!
HOGGLE: OOH, HOW'S LUDO GONNA GET IN?
LUDO: YRRURH! NNH!
GOBLIN: YOU IN THERE, YOU'RE SURROUNDED!
LUDO: HUH? SURROUNDED?
SARAH: GET OUT! LUDO, CALL THE ROCKS!
LUDO: HUH?
GOBLIN: AAAH!
LUDO: WHOO!
GOBLIN: TAKE THAT!
SARAH: AH! HUNGRY? GREAT! LUDO!
DIDYMUS: AMBROSIUS, UNLOCK THIS DOOR! HUH! SO, HAD ENOUGH, HAVE YOU? ALL RIGHT THEN. THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS, AND I'LL SEE THAT YOU'RE WELL-TREATED.
SARAH: YAH! LUDO!
LUDO: WHOO!
DIDYMUS: NEXT TIME, SURRENDER.
LUDO: WHOO!
GOBLIN: OH! YOH, YOH!
GOBLIN: AAH! GOOD GRIEF!
GOBLIN: STEADY, MEN! STEADY, MEN! HOLD YOUR GROUND! OK, I TAKE IT BACK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
GOBLIN: I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'M GOING TO BED! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
HOGGLE: LET'S GO!
GOBLIN: AAH!
SARAH: WHOA, NELLIE! DUCK!
HOGGLE: HA HA! MISSED!
SARAH: OK, COME ON!
GOBLIN: FIRE! UGH! HEY, I JUST FIRED YOU!
SARAH: THIS WAY.
GOBLIN: NOW WE HAVE YOU!
HOGGLE: AND NOW YOU DON'T!
[GUNFIRE]
GOBLIN: HEY, NO PROBLEM.
SARAH: SIR DIDYMUS?
DIDYMUS: COMING! HI-HO, SILVER!
SARAH: UH!
LUDO: NNNNH!
DIDYMUS: WHOA, BOY! WHOA, BIG FELLA!
SARAH: THIS WAY.
DIDYMUS: WHOA! STEADY, BOY! AH, YES. UP YOU GO! UP, UP! COME ON. COME ON.
SARAH: OH NO. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY HE COULD HAVE GONE.
HOGGLE: WELL, THEN, COME ON!
SARAH: NO, NO. I HAVE TO FACE HIM ALONE.
DIDYMUS: BUT WHY?
HOGGLE: YES?
SARAH: BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE.
DIDYMUS: WELL, IF THAT IS THE WAY IT IS DONE, THEN THAT IS THE WAY YOU MUST DO IT. BUT SHOULD YOU NEED US...
LUDO: UHRR.
HOGGLE: YES, SHOULD YOU NEED US...
SARAH: I'LL CALL. THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU.
SCENE 26:
JARETH:
/ HOW YOU'VE TURNED MY WORLD YOU PRECIOUS THING /
/ YOU STARVE AND NEAR EXHAUST ME /
/ EVERYTHING I'VE DONE, I'VE DONE FOR YOU /
/ I MOVE THE STARS FOR NO ONE /
/ YOU'VE RUN SO LONG /
/ YOU'VE RUN SO FAR /
/ YOUR EYES CAN BE SO CRUEL /
/ JUST AS I CAN BE SO CRUEL /
/ THOUGH I DO BELIEVE IN YOU /
SARAH: TOBY!
JARETH: / YES, I DO /
/ LIVE WITHOUT YOUR SUNLIGHT /
/ LOVE WITHOUT YOUR HEARTBEAT /
/ I...I CAN'T LIVE WITHIN YOU //
SARAH: TOBY! TOBY! TOBY!
SCENE 27:
SARAH: GIVE ME THE CHILD.
JARETH: SARAH, BEWARE. I HAVE BEEN GENEROUS UP UNTIL NOW, BUT I CAN BE CRUEL.
SARAH: GENEROUS? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THAT'S GENEROUS?
JARETH: EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANTED I HAVE DONE. YOU ASKED THAT THE CHILD BE TAKEN. I TOOK HIM. YOU COWERED BEFORE ME. I WAS FRIGHTENING. I HAVE REORDERED TIME. I HAVE TURNED THE WORLD UPSIDE-DOWN, AND I HAVE DONE IT ALL FOR YOU! I AM EXHAUSTED FROM LIVING UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF ME. ISN'T THAT GENEROUS?
SARAH: THROUGH DANGERS UNTOLD AND HARDSHIPS UNNUMBERED, I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY, FOR MY WILL IS AS STRONG AS YOURS, AND MY--
JARETH: STOP! WAIT! LOOK, SARAH. LOOK WHAT I'M OFFERING YOU. YOUR DREAMS.
SARAH: --AND KINGDOM IS GREAT.
JARETH: I ASK FOR SO LITTLE. JUST LET ME RULE YOU, AND YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT.
SARAH: KINGDOM IS GREAT... DAMN. I CAN NEVER REMEMBER THAT LINE.
JARETH: JUST FEAR ME, LOVE ME, DO AS I SAY, AND I WILL BE YOUR SLAVE.
SARAH: MY KINGDOM IS GREAT. MY KINGDOM IS GREAT... YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME.
YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!
[CLOCK CHIMES]
SARAH: TOBY. TOBY! TOBY? TOBY? ...HERE YOU ARE. I'D LIKE LANCELOT TO BELONG TO YOU NOW.
[DOOR OPENS]
FATHER: WE'RE HOME! SARAH, ARE YOU HOME?
SARAH: YEAH! YES, I'M HOME.
LUDO: GOOD-BYE, SARAH.
DIDYMUS: AND REMEMBER, FAIR MAIDEN, SHOULD YOU NEED US...
HOGGLE: YES, SHOULD YOU NEED US FOR ANY REASON AT ALL...
SARAH: I NEED YOU, HOGGLE.
HOGGLE: YOU--YOU DO?
SARAH: I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT EVERY NOW AND AGAIN IN MY LIFE, FOR NO REASON AT ALL, I NEED YOU-- ALL OF YOU.
HOGGLE: OH, YOU DO? WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
SARAH: YEAH! LUDO!
FIREY: HA HA HA HA HA!
GOBLINS: WOO WOO WOO!
DIDYMUS: I SAY, DOES ANYONE HERE WANT TO PLAY A GAME OF SCRABBLE?
THE END.
OUTRO MUSIC TO CREDITS:
JARETH: / YOU REMIND ME OF THE BABE /
GOBLIN: / WHAT BABE? /
JARETH: / THE BABE WITH THE POWER /
GOBLIN: / WHAT POWER? /
JARETH: / THE POWER OF VOODOO /
GOBLIN: / WHO DO? /
JARETH: / YOU DO /
GOBLIN: / DO WHAT? /
JARETH: / REMIND ME OF THE BABE //
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ GET ME UNDERGROUND /
/ SISTER, SISTER, PLEASE TAKE ME DOWN /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU /
/ FOR WALKING AWAY /
/ BUT TOO MUCH REJECTION, UH-HUH /
/ NO LOVE INJECTION, NO /
/ LIFE CAN BE EASY /
/ IT'S NOT ALWAYS SWELL /
/ DON'T TELL ME TRUTH HURTS, LITTLE GIRL /
/ 'CAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ HURTS LIKE HELL /
/ BUT DOWN IN THE UNDERGROUND /
/ OH OHH OHH OHH OH /
/ YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE TRUE /
/ DOWN UNDERGROUND /
/ DOWN IN THE UNDERGROUND /
/ OH OHH OHH OHH OH /
/ A LAND SERENE /
/ A CRYSTAL MOON /
/ AH-HAH /
/ IT'S ONLY FOREVER /
/ NOT LONG AT ALL /
/ LOST AND LONELY /
/ THAT'S UNDERGROUND /
/ UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ GET ME UNDERGROUND /
/ SISTER, SISTER, PLEASE TAKE ME DOWN /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ IT'S ONLY /
/ IT'S ONLY FOREVER /
/ IT'S NOT LONG AT ALL /
/ THEY'RE LOST AND THEY'RE LONELY /
/ THAT'S UNDERGROUND /
/ UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA GO UNDERGROUND /
/ SISTER, SISTER, PLEASE TAKE ME DOWN /
/ LET ME GO UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ GET ME UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, GET ME OUT OF HERE /
/ I'M MOVING DOWN NOW /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ I'M LIVING UNDERGROUND /
/ SISTER, SISTER, PLEASE TAKE ME DOWN /
/ I'M LIVING UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ I'M LIVING UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ I'M LIVING UNDERGROUND /
/ AH HA, I'M UNDERGROUND /
/ I'M LIVING UNDERGROUND /
/ DADDY, DADDY, PLEASE /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ DADDY, DADDY, PLEASE /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ HEARD ABOUT A PLACE TODAY /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WHERE NOTHIN' EVER HURTS AGAIN /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND /
/ WANNA LIVE UNDERGROUND //
